Tuesday, February 01, 2011

Rejected Onion Headlines

Reports Say Christopher Guest Probably Not Making Another Film

Area Woman Realizes No One Loves The Golden Girls As Much As Her

Rejected Area Man Throws In The Towel And Gets a Sex Doll

Weird Shoplifter Promises Authorities He's David Blaine

Area Man Keeps Going On About How Good This Orange Tastes

Area Boy Dumbfounded By Missing Lego

Area Woman Has Had All She Can Handle Of Joan Embery

New Poll Suggests People Still Go Bowling

Apologetic Yo Yo Ma Forgets Cello At Home

Religious Woman Restrains Herself When People Start Talking About Abortion

Ice T Admits To Becoming Rapper After Failing The Police Academy

Oscar Winner Meryl Streep To Play Shitty Actress In Next Film

Restless Son Of Christopher Nolan Now Unable To Sleep After Father's Bed Time Story

Amateur Photographer Seriously Wants To Break Into Erotic Photography

Despite His Change, Hillary Clinton Still Unable To Forgive Bill

Divorced Woman Surprised When No One Notices Her Walking Naked In The Living Room

Reporter Unsure Of Where They Placed Sources Material

School Shooter Sleeps Through Alarm, But Still Makes It To First Period

Area Man Sees Empty Toilet Roll Halfway Through A Massive Shit

No comments: