Dear feeling's eater,
I don't know what to say anymore. I'm having the worst time with women. My mother won't stop with the baby talk. Just because my brother became sterile from excessive bull riding, doesn't give anyone the right to push for children. In all honesty I would love to give my mother a grandchild, but that isn't the problem. It's really the womens fault. What does a guy have to do to get noticed? Maybe I'll start boxing or something. (NOTE: call Clark about boxing trainer) It's just to tough for me to start anything new, let alone meet a nice girl.
Like today, for example, I was sitting in a subway car, on my way home from work and something caught my attention. After squinting, it became apparent that the shape was actually a woman. For some reason she was looking my way and was winking incessantly. I looked behind me to see if she was signaling someone in morse code, but there was just an add for safe sex "Don't wink unless you know the consequences." I looked back at her and pointed to myself and she nodded assuredly.
The subway car skidded to a stop and I exited the car only to notice the woman follow me out. I turned around and looked at her curiously.
"Can I help you?" I inquired.
"Who me?" she said in a playful manner. "You could help me with a lot of things."
I blacked out for a few seconds as I suddenly realized, this is how many erotic videos and audio tapes start. I took a deep breath and examined her. She was wearing a business type light red blouse, with a black skirt and shiny heels.
"I'm sorry, I don't know what I can help you with." I stuttered.
"It's OK sweetie." she said as she took my hand.
I became like a child as we walked up the subway stairs to the street. Who was this woman taking my hand? The last time a woman took my hand I was spanked and put in time out.
It started to get dark out, but I felt safe with her. She saw my eyes light up when I looked at the cart selling snow cones and she stopped to buy me one.
"What kind do you want?" she asked.
"Blue." I responded. God I love blue flavored snow cones.
"That's my favorite to." she smiled as she said it. I almost fell to the ground, but thank god she caught me. We continued to walk, until we got to a hotel. She invited me to her room and I agreed on the condition that I could use the bathroom first. I hadn't gone since lunch.
Her room was nice, especially her bathroom. She said it was all done by a modern designer, Claubert. When I got out of the bathroom, I found her sitting on the bed, taking off her heels. I sat on a chair near the window, which I'm pretty sure was a desk, and took off my shoes, remembering what my mom says about shoes on the carpet "Patty Hearst wore shoes on the carpet and you know what happened to her."
We started to talk and she continued to undress. It became really awkward and at one point she was just in her pantyhose and hair clip. She just lunged at me in the chair and we had sex. It was amazing. I'm pretty sure I satisfied her, because when I asked her if I did, she said, "I'm pretty sure." We laid there, on the chair, her naked and me in just my overcoat, just taking in the modern decor. I wondered if Claubert had made love in his room and if he knew his chair/desk was the perfect place for two people to have sex and then organize their files. He probably did.
She got up and started dressing again. I asked her why she had sex with me.
"Because, I wanted to." she replied calmly.
I was happy and excited, since I thought we'd pretty much spend the rest of our lives together. I asked her what her name was. "What ever you want it to be, darling" she said.
I thought to myself, "Wow, she really is a catch. She just wants to please me."
I walked up to her and tried to kiss her, but she suddenly got cold. She asked what I was doing, and I said I was trying to kiss her. She said she didn't do that and was wondering when she was going to get paid.
That's when I realized she was a prostitute. Apparently my mother found her on a site, where she was listed as a "friendly companion who's willing to go all the way". When I later told my mother about it, she said she thought it meant to go all the way to the alter and that's what she told her. Lola, as I later found out her name, did give me the Tuesday special which was sex in a Claubert designed room (or "The Alter" as they called it).
I was a little paranoid when I finally got home. Partly because I didn't have the $400 on me that she required for her services and because their was a knife stuck in my front door with a note attached that said "$400 or your nuts. You decide."
I guess I'll have to go to the bank tomorrow. Ah women.
"It's OK sweetie." she said as she took my hand.
I became like a child as we walked up the subway stairs to the street. Who was this woman taking my hand? The last time a woman took my hand I was spanked and put in time out.
It started to get dark out, but I felt safe with her. She saw my eyes light up when I looked at the cart selling snow cones and she stopped to buy me one.
"What kind do you want?" she asked.
"Blue." I responded. God I love blue flavored snow cones.
"That's my favorite to." she smiled as she said it. I almost fell to the ground, but thank god she caught me. We continued to walk, until we got to a hotel. She invited me to her room and I agreed on the condition that I could use the bathroom first. I hadn't gone since lunch.
Her room was nice, especially her bathroom. She said it was all done by a modern designer, Claubert. When I got out of the bathroom, I found her sitting on the bed, taking off her heels. I sat on a chair near the window, which I'm pretty sure was a desk, and took off my shoes, remembering what my mom says about shoes on the carpet "Patty Hearst wore shoes on the carpet and you know what happened to her."
We started to talk and she continued to undress. It became really awkward and at one point she was just in her pantyhose and hair clip. She just lunged at me in the chair and we had sex. It was amazing. I'm pretty sure I satisfied her, because when I asked her if I did, she said, "I'm pretty sure." We laid there, on the chair, her naked and me in just my overcoat, just taking in the modern decor. I wondered if Claubert had made love in his room and if he knew his chair/desk was the perfect place for two people to have sex and then organize their files. He probably did.
She got up and started dressing again. I asked her why she had sex with me.
"Because, I wanted to." she replied calmly.
I was happy and excited, since I thought we'd pretty much spend the rest of our lives together. I asked her what her name was. "What ever you want it to be, darling" she said.
I thought to myself, "Wow, she really is a catch. She just wants to please me."
I walked up to her and tried to kiss her, but she suddenly got cold. She asked what I was doing, and I said I was trying to kiss her. She said she didn't do that and was wondering when she was going to get paid.
That's when I realized she was a prostitute. Apparently my mother found her on a site, where she was listed as a "friendly companion who's willing to go all the way". When I later told my mother about it, she said she thought it meant to go all the way to the alter and that's what she told her. Lola, as I later found out her name, did give me the Tuesday special which was sex in a Claubert designed room (or "The Alter" as they called it).
I was a little paranoid when I finally got home. Partly because I didn't have the $400 on me that she required for her services and because their was a knife stuck in my front door with a note attached that said "$400 or your nuts. You decide."
I guess I'll have to go to the bank tomorrow. Ah women.
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