Saturday, October 31, 2009

That’s One Small Step for A Man

I'm not here to cause controversy or to stir things that are perfectly complacent in where they are, but I do want to tell the truth. Neil Armstrong's famous statement "One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind." was said as he stepped on the moon's surface. The first man (in the general sense of human kind, not meaning specifically male, even though there have been no women on the moon) to really conquer another planet was a profound moment in human history and no words greater described that moment than Armstrong's words. If it was really his words to begin with.

Neil Armstrong has said that he thought of the famous line while eating lunch after his shuttle had landed on the moon. This, I'm sorry to say, is a lie. Think about it. Isn't it convenient to think of the most profound statement signifying mankind's quest to conquer space, to have occurred while having a turkey club sandwich? I think it's a little too convenient. Maybe if it was a tuna melt, I’d reconsider, but it wasn't and I’m not.

Actually it started a few weeks before Apollo 11's launch. Neil Armstrong was lying in bed, reading a book to relax himself to sleep (as he does every night), when his wife (at the time), Janet, asked from the bathroom "Neil, hunny, what are you going to say?"

"What do you mean, dear?" Neil replied.

"Well, on the transmission." Janet said as she exited the bathroom and climbed into bed. "We're all going to be able to hear what you say when you step on the moon."

Neil was a little perplexed by the thought.

"Gee, I didn't think about what I would say." Neil replied.

"I'm sure something simple will be just fine.” Janet said “You could say anything and it wouldn't matter because you were on the moon when you said it."

Janet assured Neil not to be worried and Neil smiled and kissed his wife. But Neil was worried. He didn't know what he was going to say. He started to spend his free time reading books, listening to the top songs of the day, anything that would give him inspiration for what to say.

It became dire once the launch neared. Janet began to see that Neil was stressed out. She just chalked it up to going to the moon, but Neil was actually petrified of not being able to find something to say when he is on the moon.

Two nights before the launch, in a housing complex that NASA put the Armstrong family in, Neil was distressed. At that point Neil was debating between saying something funny like a Groucho Marx's quote "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it." or something serious like "Never fear the abyss beyond you." (Which is often attributed to a line from a bathroom stall). That night, after being unable to get to sleep, he decided to take a walk.

Neil walked some miles to a park, thinking about what to say, when something got his attention. It was a homeless man who was piling bottles on the grass. Neil assumed he was drunk, since the homeless man's pants were off and because he kept yelling, "So what if I'm drunk." to someone who wasn't there. Neil fingered his pockets for his wallet and drew out a few dollars. He walked over to the homeless man and gave him the money.

"Thanks mister." the homeless man said.

"No problem." Neil replied.

"Wait. You're the astronaut aren't you?" the homeless man asked.

"Yes, how did you know?" Neil said, surprised.

"I saw you in the newspapers. My house is made out of them.” the homeless man said. "Gonna walk on the moon, right?"

Neil nodded sullenly.

“I don’t know what I’m going to say?” Neil said quietly. He began to tell the homeless man how he had been struggling with what he would say when he was on the moon. Neil asked the homeless man what he would say, but the homeless man just turned around and started to tend to his bottles.

Neil nodded his head and turned to walk away. As he did the homeless man turned and said, "One small step for man, one giant leap for frog people. Just wait until the frog people go on the moon. They'll jump so high."

Neil continued walking, trying to shrug off the ridiculous statement, but later as Neil lied down on his bed, he soon started to think that the homeless man might have something. "One small step for man" was the beginning of a pretty good line, Neil thought. The frog people part, well he decided against it when he put his left foot on the lunar surface six days later, but who could blame a plagiarist for covering his tracks?

Neil knew no one would believe the homeless man if he claimed the line was stolen from him. No one, until right now. I used to be that homeless man and one day, when frog people do go to the moon, they’ll jump so high!

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